119 Reasons Why I Love You...

Hello, beautiful internet!

So it has been forever since I posted last, and there are many reasons for that. The most notable are:
- Wedding planning! *stress*
- Work has been nuts.
- Trying to figure out my future (possible Masters plans?)
- Helping my friend plan her wedding.
- Getting sick almost constantly.
- ...I fell off "the wagon".

That last one is nothing new; sticking to a weight loss effort is hard! For me, anyway. I have started up again, but that's not why I'm posting today. Tomorrow (October 11th) will be my 12th anniversary with my honey (and marks two years of being engaged). We don't really do gifts, but I stole this idea from Pinterest and created a cute "119 Reasons I Love You" jar of chocolates for my love to enjoy all year. 119 is unfortunately a very arbitrary number - it happened to be the number of chocolates I bought. Part of me wants to run back out to the store and buy at least one more to make it an even number, but ain't nobody got time for that!

Anyway, I wanted to share a picture or two of how it turned out (to be uploaded later), and also share my list in case anyone is doing a similar project for their love and needs inspiration. :)

119 Reasons I Love You
(a subset of a much larger list)

• You love me! 
• Morning snuggles.
• You don't let me win. <3 
• You inspire me.
• You still give me butterflies.
• You play hard. (We both love playing video games, and make time in our lives to do so!) 
• You have never given up on me. 
• You love me for who I am. 
• Playing games with me, even though I suck sometimes! 
• You make me a better person. 
• You "butt dance" with me. :) 
• You make yummy lasagna! 
• I sleep better when I'm with you. 
• You hold my hand. 
• You proofread everything I write. 
• You're my better half. 
• The silly sound effects you make. 
• You work hard to support us. 
• You let me make mistakes. 
• I can be myself around you. :) 
• We are a team in all that we do. 
• You love all of my weird habits. 
• You let me whine about my job. 
• You are so caring. <3 
• I trust you. 
• You trust me. 
• You always say that I'm beautiful. 
• You want me to be happy, always. 
• We support each other. 
• Your hugs make me feel safe. 
• You're perfect for me. 
• You make a comfy pillow! 
• You support my "YouTube thing". 
• You always make time for me. 
• You're a great cuddle buddy. 
• Your voice. <3 
• You are still a kid at heart. 
• You offer to help with dinner every time. 
• You always forgive me. 
• You will be a wonderful dad! 
• Back scratches & rubs. <3 
• You're my best friend. 
• The way you mumble in your sleep. 
• You think I'm adorable. <3 
• We act goofy together. 
• You smell handsome. 
• Your cute butt. :) 
• You always stay in touch when you're away. 
• We fit perfectly together. 
• The way you look at me... 
• Your strong, sexy arms. (I have a thing for arms, sue me!)
• You always look out for me. 
• You help me keep our apartment clean! 
• You're a smart ass! 
• We can laugh about anything. 
• You help me through. 
• You always give me a goodbye kiss. 
• You're easy to love. 
• You're insanely smart. 
• You're creative. 
• You accept my veggie ways. 
• You follow your dreams. 
• You make me feel special. 
• You act silly with Tiny. (Our pet frog.)
• Your soft kisses (the hard ones too!)
• Battling Walmart on the weekends. (Grocery shopping is always an adventure, and my days off mean we often have to go on a Saturday or Sunday - it's NUTS). 
• You eat what I can't at sushi. 
• Your laugh. 
• Your gorgeous eyes. 
• We grew up together. 
• You give me strength. <3 
• You always try to include me. 
• Forehead kisses. <3 
• You supported my gardening effort. 
• Life is way more awesome with you. 
• You love me in spite of my health. 
• You eat the crazy things I cook. 
• Your cute back dimples. 
• You take my breath away. 
• You put up with my "crazy" days. 
• You sit in the hospital with me. (This means the world because he hates hospitals.) 
• You watch the Leafs with me. (I turned him into a hockey fan. :) Or at least he pretends...) 
• You help with wedding plans. 
• You don't take life too seriously. 
• You try new things with me. 
• -censored- (Some things are too personal to share!) 
• You're my brave, spider-killing man! 
• You remember our anniversary and special days. 
• You hang out with my friends. 
• You make me laugh every day. 
• Dick jokes! :) 
• You keep me warm on cold nights. 
• You tolerate my tickles. 
• You are very passionate. <3 
• Great sense of humour. 
• You are patient with me. 
• You hold open doors for me. 
• You listen to my bad stories. (He constantly tells me how terrible I am at recounting events - in a loving, joking way - and it's true! But he listens anyway, and then asks "...is that the end of the story?") 
• You try new things. :) (Sort of a repeat... oops!)
• I can tell you anything. 
• You're sexy! 
• You only see the best in me. 
• -censored-
• You watch chick flicks with me. 
• We will never grow up. :) 
• We still go on dates. 
• Doing the dishes so I don't have to. 
• Your "kitten noises". (He makes the cutest noises when we look at pictures/videos/GIFs of kittens on the internet. It's the most adorable thing, and he hates when I call him out on it.) 
• You're my tech support. :) 
• You put our family first! 
• You untie knots in my necklaces. 
• You are the reason I wake up each day. 
• You protect me. <3 
• We survived five years of distance. 
• Our walks in the neighbourhood. 
• Your smile. :) 
• You put up with the Twilight movies. 
• "Always & forever."
• Everything. :) 

I wish I could've written more, but this ended up being kind of a last minute thing. Like I said, we don't really do gifts for our anniversary - we generally go out to dinner and a movie, or something like that. But I wanted to do something sort of fun and special. :) 

In other news (more relevant to the usual subject of this blog), my wedding is 227 days away! Which means I need to get on this losing weight thing. We are having engagement photos done at the end of the month, and I am hoping to lose five more for that (I'm at 157 now - get down to 152 or 150 would be ideal!) and then keep trucking towards the wedding. :) 

Ciao for now! 

Categories: anniversary , crazy life , off topic , reasons i love you , wedding , weight loss

Maintaining Motivation

While wasting time on Reddit this morning (which is how my days off tend to go), I stumbled across the following Tumblr post regarding weight loss motivation: http://actionfiguremini.tumblr.com/post/53432744622/lost-your-motivation-my-standard-answer

It's a fantastic post, and I've definitely read it before (and reflected on it in this blog post) but I wanted to "reblog" it on here for future use since I don't have a Tumblr account. It talks about maintaining motivation to work out, eat right, and stay committed to a lifestyle change even after that initial burst of determination has faded (and it always does). My journeys always begin with that initial burst, and the efforts always fade as the burst does. But as the post begins, I'm always motivated to make the changes - case in point, I post intermittently on this blog and am always thinking about wanting to change - I just don't apply my energy to the project.

Any time I need to remind myself to stay strong when that initial motivation falls by the wayside, I'll have this link handy. :)

Categories: blogs , motivation

Friend Makin' Monday!

I originally logged on to post a "regular" entry about my weight goal for the week, but saw this in my feed from Liz at The Shrinking Owl and thought it might be fun to do instead! I used to love answering survey questions when I was younger (you remember the ones - those awful chain e-mails that got sent to everyone on your e-mail list), so why not partake again?

"If you’ve taken part in FMM then you know the rules. If you’re new, please take a moment to answer this week’s question on your own blog then add your link in the comments section here at: www.alltheweigh.com so we can all see your FMM questions and answers. Please invite your blog readers to add their links here too so everyone has to opportunity to be seen. The idea is to connect with other awesome bloggers so take a moment to post your own FMM post and comment on a couple of other posts. Now it’s time for this week’s topic!"

Summer Fun

1.  What is your favorite summer fruit?  Grapes! I loooove grapes. Could eat them by the dozen. I've never tried frozen grapes though, which I've heard is a lovely summer treat. Will have to try that this year! 

2.  Do you know how to swim?  Sort of? I get the gist of it and I can do the very basic strokes, but I am a very poor swimmer. If I get thrown off of a boat, I'm probably doomed. Might be why I don't go out on boats! Despite not being a very good swimmer, I love hanging out at the beach and in the pool, I just don't tend to do much but wade in the water and jump around a whole lot. 

3.  Do you prefer sun or snow?  I think snow is magical looking, and the first snowfall or two each year is an exciting time, but Canadian winters are long and unforgiving. I love having a variety of seasons here, but I prefer the sun. :) 

4.  What temperature do you like most inside your home?  We don't have a fancy digital thermometer in our apartment so I have no idea what it would be numerically, but I know I like to keep it around 71 - 72ºF at work? So probably around there. I prefer it to be cooler, especially in the summer, so you get that awesome wall of heat when you step outside (and vice versa with the cold). 

5.  Is it humid where you live?  Not today, thank goodness. Yesterday brought a whoooole lot of torrential rain so it cooled things off substantially. The past week has been awful, though, and our summers usually are quite humid. 

6. What is your favorite food to put on the grill?  Oh man... Well, it's changed since becoming a vegetarian, but I used to always love grilled steak and "baked" potatoes. Fond memories there. Now though, I like grilling just about anything. Can't go wrong with a grilled veggie burger! 

7. Do you prefer to wear a one-piece  or two-piece swim suit?  I actually haven't owned a one-piece since before my teens, but I'd probably be much more comfortable in one! I used to have a tankini, but a couple of years ago when my fiancé and I went to Florida for the first time, I forced myself to buy a bandeau bikini and it was sooo comfy. Sadly, it broke and I bought a regular ol' bikini which I've worn twice? I don't have anywhere near a bikini body and this makes me avoid situations in which I would wear it. :( But they're more comfortable, gosh darn it! 

8.  What is your favorite summer drink?  I'm a margarita gal, through and through! Love me that lime and tequila. 

9.  Do you prefer the pool or the ocean?  Only been to the ocean once and it was great! Where I live it's more like the lake, and I think I'd have to say I prefer going to the beach than the pool. Pools tend to be cleaner but the environment isn't as fun and natural. I love the combination of sand, sun, and big expanses of water. So relaxing. 

10.  What are you looking forward to most over the summer?  I haven't actually thought much about it yet! We are going camping with my friends at the beginning of August, and that's always a blast. Nothing beats the drunken outdoors and sitting by a fire. To be honest, the only thing I'm really looking forward to at the moment is getting a bit of colour since I go pasty white over the winter. And I guess planning our wedding. :) 

There! Hopefully you've enjoyed reading something a little bit different than I usually post, it was certainly fun posting it. Leave a comment and let me know what you get up to in the summer time, especially if you're around the GTA! I've got a ridiculously short attention span and am always looking for new things to get out and do. 

Rock Fucking Bottom

I had a lazy day today. In reality, most of my days are lazy, but I didn't even shower until 2:30 today despite having tons of things to accomplish. While getting ready to go out and do grocery shopping I came to a world-shattering, ego-destroying revelation: I have one pair of pants that fit, and those pants were wet and on the drying rack. I tried on every other pair of jeans in my closet and no fucking dice. I weighed myself: 165.8. This isn't even the heaviest I've ever been, but I got rid of all of my pants from back then.

So I cried, and started to panic while my dear fiance tried to help me wear the closest-to-fitting pair I had by rigging a key ring to keep the zipper up, which made me cry even more. I don't want to be like this. I certainly don't want him to see me like this. We both deserve better. And yet I don't feel like I can do anything about it. My initial reaction is always, "well, guess it's time to stop eating" - my super unhealthy coping method. Also the only way that's ever worked for me. I can't do moderation, and I haven't been able to turn the food craving part of my brain off so I just eat constantly. I'm disgusting and an embarrassment, and I need to change.

Hell, I'm writing this post from the car in pants that don't close while my fiance does the grocery shopping. If that doesn't scream the need for an intervention, I don't know what does.

"New" Workout Plan

Hello blog-o-verse!

Can you tell I'm not very good at sticking to a plan (i.e., updating this blog regularly)? Could be part of the reason I haven't been super successful in losing weight in the past. I find I get very restless and take on a bajillion projects, and that often ends up in most (or all) of them being neglected! At the moment I've got this blog, I'm working on starting up a YouTube channel (unrelated to this project), planning a little balcony garden, thinking about going back to school, looking for a new job, planning a wedding AND trying to balance my everyday life! I have a real problem with taking on too many tasks, but I'm not satisfied with one or two. :( That's a personal issue to work out, I guess...

BUT in the realm of health and fitness, I have made some strides this week. There were a couple of days where I consciously chose to make a healthier lunch than the one I was initially planning. I have also started a new workout plan that's been circulating around my Facebook friends. It's one of those "30 Day X Challenge"s. Well... I actually took the two most recent plans I've seen and kind of merged them together a bit, to get my own challenge to follow along with. It's definitely not the most balanced workout plan, but I think it will be good in getting me to do something active on a daily basis.

My bastardized hybrid of the two plans... 

I have it taped to my bedroom wall, and as I go, I use some of my (super unused) teacher stickers as reinforcement, haha. So I've got three beautiful silver stars for the first three days. Yay, effort!

It's going to be a busy weekend ahead with work and life, so here's hoping I don't fall off my wagon...

Categories: conscious eating , healthy habits

Starting Up The Engine

I recently made a commitment to do the Couch to 5k program with a friend. That will be interesting, I've never really had an accountability buddy before. I'm hoping it will help us both, and we'll be on our way to being happier, healthier people. In the past couple of weeks though, I've been getting antsy to do some exercise. I almost started without her, but this morning I decided I'd just hit my apartment gym while my laundry was happening. Knocked out a quick treadmill warm-up, and some strength training with the dumbbells (and logged it into Fitocracy). Sexy, healthy body - here I come! 

Right this second, I'm struggling with a food craving, and figured what better way to deal with it than to blog about it! My lovely fiancé and I were preparing dinner, and I got to thinking I could have a snack while it cooked since I was hungry. STOP! Yeah, I'm a little bit peckish but nowhere near full-on hunger. I don't actually need to have a snack, dinner will be ready in an hour. Part of me wants to eat simply because I was thinking about food as it was being prepared, and that's all kinds of messed up. I managed to put a halt on that, and am now sitting here, blogging and chugging away at my water-filled Guzzler. 

A whole slew of healthy decisions today! Way to go, me. :) 

Categories: accountability , c25k , conscious eating , healthy habits

It's My Body!

This is a bit of a boring post, but I had to write it down to show myself that it is possible for me to overcome my cravings and temptations.

Last night was a friend's birthday, and as always, we got good and drunk. The day after a heavy night of drinking is usually a write-off for me in terms of caloric and nutritional intake as I want nothing more than to stuff my face with greasy, carb-y garbage with the hope that it will just absorb the brewing hangover. Today was no different. As soon as I woke up, all I could think about was pizza and chips. I spent the entire drive home thinking about greasy, cheesy pizza (sad, right?). I had some stuff to do before lunch, and at some point during those tasks it clicked - yeah, I want pizza, but I don't need it. I'm trying to eat healthier and look better, and pizza isn't going to help either of those things. So I put it out of my mind and had a wrap instead. Victory!

I also chose not to bring chips to the gathering knowing full well that would be my breakfast and lunch today. They're small victories, but they will add up!

Categories: accountability , conscious eating

Accountability

After yesterday's reflection on applying discipline from other areas of your life to health and fitness goals, today is all about consciousness and accountability. My challenge for the day is to make conscious decisions about everything I put in my mouth, and to log every one of those things on MyFitnessPal. Tracking has been a problem for me in the past, as it's far too easy to just eat something "bad" (or outside of the plan) and decide not to write it down, as if that somehow erases the fact that it occurred. Today I am trying my hardest to be accountable to myself and my health, and to stop lying to myself about what I've eaten. Yes, if I screw up it's going to look bad, but the only way I can change my eating habits is by being honest with myself about them.

Part of today's challenge involves sitting with the feelings of wanting to eat, and finding ways around them. Eating has become a habit for me. I do it when I'm bored and there's nothing else to do, I do it when I'm at the computer, I do it when I'm playing video games. I just eat, all the time, for no good reason. So today, when my brain is like, "Hey, you know what would be great right now? Some food." I'm trying to sit with that thought and talk it down. "You know what, I'm not actually hungry right now, I just want food for some unrelated reason. Let's do something else..." It has been hard so far, and it's only 2:00pm. However, my goal is to just get through this one day at a time, and slowly make that the habit, rather than mindless eating.

My Guzzler O' Water is helping, too. :)

Categories: accountability , goals

On Motivation & Discipline

After each failure (or setback, if you want to be optimistic) in my struggle to lose weight, I find myself saying "I need discipline" or "I just don't have the discipline to stop (insert destructive eating behaviour here)". It's almost become an excuse to fail. Sure, stuff your face with a pizza, you don't have the discipline to stick to a healthy eating plan anyway. Go ahead and drop out of the 100-Pushups plan, you never had the discipline to stick with it in the first place.

While I still think this is true to a degree, I found a very interesting quote by reddit user TheLushCompanion that made me rethink the subject of discipline:

"Now, the good news is, unless you are a total fuck up who can't pass a class, keep a job, or be depended on in any way, YOU ALREADY HAVE THE DISCIPLINE TO DO THIS. You just haven't applied it to this project yet."

Her comment probably gave me the most pause I've ever had on reddit - it's ridiculous how true it is. Let's look at my job as a prime example. I absolutely loathe my job. If it suddenly ceased to exist, I'd be nothing short of jubilant. That being said, I still go in every day, work through breaks and even take work home with me (much to my fiancé's dismay). I absolutely cannot stand this job, yet I still put 110% of myself into it. It's a responsibility, something I have to do whether I feel like it that day or not. So why isn't taking care of myself another one of those responsibilities?

The obvious answer is accountability; if I don't go to work and perform as I am required to do, I will be held accountable by my manager. I am only accountable to myself for my health and weight loss, and I simply don't have enough care for my body to hold myself accountable (problem #1). However, I also have an intense amount of integrity when it comes to things I've committed to. I am a perfectionist, and I expect no less than perfection in all of the things that I do - whether I like them or not. So yes, I hate my job, but I also must do it to the best of my ability otherwise I will be disappointed in myself.

The TL;DR version is this: I have demonstrated that I do in fact have the discipline required to stick to a healthy eating plan and to take better care of myself, I simply have not yet applied that discipline. Taking care of myself needs to become something that I have to do, regardless of how I feel that day. After all, this is the only body I'll ever have. If I don't take care of it, I'll lose the use of it.

Now I just need to apply that discipline...

Categories: accountability , motivation

Small Steps

I have the weekend off, which is great because it gives me more time to get things done around the house (especially since my fiancé is away). However, weekends off also kind of suck because I don't usually have enough to do to keep myself busy. That being said, while I won't be on my feet for eight hours a day this weekend, I am working on the small steps that make up "the plan" I mentioned in my first post.

Drink More Water:
I have one of these babies:

It is the 32 oz. Guzzler from the Rednek mason jar collection. I loooove it, especially in the summer because I can fill this bad boy up with the refreshing adult beverage of my choice and not have to refill for... well, it doesn't last as long as it would with most people, but it lasts long enough! However, I also made the connection that it is fantastic for monitoring my water intake! I've been popping a chunk of lemon in there, filling it up with nice, cold water, and going to down. This weekend, I am committing to finishing three of these per day. I am almost down one for today!

Move More:
While I haven't started a formal exercise regime (too many things at once leaves me overloaded and giving up, I've found), I am trying to integrate more movement into my day. My fiancé and I are both working on the "100 pushups program" using apps on our phones, but I am also trying to add more steps into my day. I don't have a pedometer, but I realized last Wednesday that taking the stairs down from my 11th-floor apartment to the basement (to do laundry) adds 250 steps onto my day.  So far today, I've done that twice, plus walked up from the 6th floor twice (lets say that's about 100 steps each). 250 + 250 + 100 + 100 = 700 extra steps, just by (mostly) forgoing the elevator! On an otherwise idle weekend, this adds some valuable activity.

Eat Less: 
This right here will be my struggle, especially on days off. Food is still my comfort; I'm used to eating constantly throughout the day, despite attempts to curb it. Logging calories hasn't worked because if I overeat (as I usually do), I just don't write it down. I am hoping that drinking a ton of water will help by making me feel too full to eat, and then after a few days/a week of that, I might be able to work on actively refusing food when I don't need it.

I am the queen of long posts, whee!

Categories: the plan