It's My Body!

This is a bit of a boring post, but I had to write it down to show myself that it is possible for me to overcome my cravings and temptations.

Last night was a friend's birthday, and as always, we got good and drunk. The day after a heavy night of drinking is usually a write-off for me in terms of caloric and nutritional intake as I want nothing more than to stuff my face with greasy, carb-y garbage with the hope that it will just absorb the brewing hangover. Today was no different. As soon as I woke up, all I could think about was pizza and chips. I spent the entire drive home thinking about greasy, cheesy pizza (sad, right?). I had some stuff to do before lunch, and at some point during those tasks it clicked - yeah, I want pizza, but I don't need it. I'm trying to eat healthier and look better, and pizza isn't going to help either of those things. So I put it out of my mind and had a wrap instead. Victory!

I also chose not to bring chips to the gathering knowing full well that would be my breakfast and lunch today. They're small victories, but they will add up!

Categories: accountability , conscious eating

Accountability

After yesterday's reflection on applying discipline from other areas of your life to health and fitness goals, today is all about consciousness and accountability. My challenge for the day is to make conscious decisions about everything I put in my mouth, and to log every one of those things on MyFitnessPal. Tracking has been a problem for me in the past, as it's far too easy to just eat something "bad" (or outside of the plan) and decide not to write it down, as if that somehow erases the fact that it occurred. Today I am trying my hardest to be accountable to myself and my health, and to stop lying to myself about what I've eaten. Yes, if I screw up it's going to look bad, but the only way I can change my eating habits is by being honest with myself about them.

Part of today's challenge involves sitting with the feelings of wanting to eat, and finding ways around them. Eating has become a habit for me. I do it when I'm bored and there's nothing else to do, I do it when I'm at the computer, I do it when I'm playing video games. I just eat, all the time, for no good reason. So today, when my brain is like, "Hey, you know what would be great right now? Some food." I'm trying to sit with that thought and talk it down. "You know what, I'm not actually hungry right now, I just want food for some unrelated reason. Let's do something else..." It has been hard so far, and it's only 2:00pm. However, my goal is to just get through this one day at a time, and slowly make that the habit, rather than mindless eating.

My Guzzler O' Water is helping, too. :)

Categories: accountability , goals

On Motivation & Discipline

After each failure (or setback, if you want to be optimistic) in my struggle to lose weight, I find myself saying "I need discipline" or "I just don't have the discipline to stop (insert destructive eating behaviour here)". It's almost become an excuse to fail. Sure, stuff your face with a pizza, you don't have the discipline to stick to a healthy eating plan anyway. Go ahead and drop out of the 100-Pushups plan, you never had the discipline to stick with it in the first place.

While I still think this is true to a degree, I found a very interesting quote by reddit user TheLushCompanion that made me rethink the subject of discipline:

"Now, the good news is, unless you are a total fuck up who can't pass a class, keep a job, or be depended on in any way, YOU ALREADY HAVE THE DISCIPLINE TO DO THIS. You just haven't applied it to this project yet."

Her comment probably gave me the most pause I've ever had on reddit - it's ridiculous how true it is. Let's look at my job as a prime example. I absolutely loathe my job. If it suddenly ceased to exist, I'd be nothing short of jubilant. That being said, I still go in every day, work through breaks and even take work home with me (much to my fiancé's dismay). I absolutely cannot stand this job, yet I still put 110% of myself into it. It's a responsibility, something I have to do whether I feel like it that day or not. So why isn't taking care of myself another one of those responsibilities?

The obvious answer is accountability; if I don't go to work and perform as I am required to do, I will be held accountable by my manager. I am only accountable to myself for my health and weight loss, and I simply don't have enough care for my body to hold myself accountable (problem #1). However, I also have an intense amount of integrity when it comes to things I've committed to. I am a perfectionist, and I expect no less than perfection in all of the things that I do - whether I like them or not. So yes, I hate my job, but I also must do it to the best of my ability otherwise I will be disappointed in myself.

The TL;DR version is this: I have demonstrated that I do in fact have the discipline required to stick to a healthy eating plan and to take better care of myself, I simply have not yet applied that discipline. Taking care of myself needs to become something that I have to do, regardless of how I feel that day. After all, this is the only body I'll ever have. If I don't take care of it, I'll lose the use of it.

Now I just need to apply that discipline...

Categories: accountability , motivation